I watched and listened to a beautiful song written by Dodie Clark called “burned out.”
And to be frank: I got shivers.
She talks about expectations and her fame, about how she doesn’t regret her dream- she just wishes to remind herself that even dreams aren’t perfection. The chorus just emphasizes that the public (us fans) love her.
And that’s a very hard thing to face. Facing that you can’t produce things that are “good enough” and making your own invisible boundaries; when people who wish to be in her place enviously answer: “Oh! But they love you!”
“and they love you! oh you can feel how they love you!
coated and warm
but that’s all they can do
words only get through
if they’re sharp”
I’m gonna be self centered and talk about myself a bit.
This hit really close to home. This year was the year I decided to stop pleasing others for the sake of not breaking the image of me that they held in their heads, since I was well- Burned out.
I was working myself dry so my mom could believe that I wasn’t going to be a bum, while getting home and trying to draw just a sliver of SOMETHING. Just so, for a moment in my day I’d be doing something I liked.
I kept working 40+ hours while being in school (that I hated) all while convincing myself that yes, I was broken, but I could be who they wanted me to be. I was on meds, I wanted to fling myself into the nearest car, I was smoking but HEY I was still alive right? Disappointing the people who love me would be worse.
And then I broke.
And like, glass every last part of me (that was being held together with ducktape) shattered.
I left a college, I quit 2 out of my 3 jobs. And just like that, I could sleep again.
Point is: you can only fool everyone for so long until it physically and mentally destroys you and rips you apart. Write that blog post because you want to, post that song because you like it- not because it fits unreal standards.
Create what speaks to you, not what people want you to create.
Props to Dodie for being so incredibly strong.
I urge you all to listen to this song and remind yourselves that we are all human.
Burned out by Doddleoddle: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80f1VG_2pAM
“don’t build hope on something broken
i am not cartoon”